This girl is more easily done than said...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
