I cannot find my penis.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
