look no pants
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
