Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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