So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize