GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just invented taco cereal.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
