I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If I die, sorry about rent.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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