And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
