We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
