I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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