When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Randomize
