at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
