I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
What a dumb baby whore.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
