oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
