I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
