i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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