Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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