i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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