I never want to see another naked old woman again.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
