You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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