i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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