my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize