So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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