do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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