I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
