You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize