Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
