marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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