you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize