And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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