I seem to have left my pride at pride
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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