he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
