I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize