I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
