Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
this is an emotional support booty call
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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