i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Randomize
