those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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