i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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