I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize