I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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