I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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