let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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