You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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