I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I didn't notice because vodka
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
