Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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