whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
