I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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