Midget sex pt 2 tonight
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
