Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize