Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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