I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
