I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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