Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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