Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
All I want is dick and wine.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
