do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
