i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
