You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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