A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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