By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
