Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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