just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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