this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
