did you get engaged???
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
