You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
