yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
