I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
