He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
