did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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