Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
