im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
