If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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