I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
