I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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