I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize