I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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