A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
