That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
