The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
