My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You're like the curious george of whores
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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