FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
