Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize